Crazy Hot Mess Anyone?

 It is a lovely rainy day in Pittsburgh!
  Summer is still here but the rain brings me tidings of fall... and I love fall!
Soon enough! Soon enough!
Aside from a yogurt date with a friend, the weekend looks like
school work, school work and more school work!
I think I can, I think I can I think I caaannnnn!!

So here are some of my blessed enlightenments for your enjoyment.

Soap box and mega phone to come. It'll be great. Really.

These enlightenments came to me through the form of temper tantrums, hard days, good friends, wise Abbots, one patient husband and a lot of fist shaking at the sky-ing. And of course, the wild goose.

Enlightenment #1.
 I am a HOT MESS. MMmm. Yes. I am. This is ME!!!
 Messy. I clean up nice, but I am a mess.
I think I was masquerading for years as.. well. Not a hot mess. But you can't keep these things up for long.
Which leads me to ...

Enlightenment #2.
   It is perfectly fine to be Hot Mess Morgan Nelson.
   It's actually good. A- Ok. As it should be.
 
                Because this is who I am meant to be. Yes. Really.
I have realized these two major life lessons from two main sources

   - loosing it, flipping my shiz, going crazy, ( Because who can keep up trying to be someone you
                                                                         aren't supposed to be for longer than two seconds?!)
   &
   - community

Just for the record, experiencing community was a lot better than loosing it...  :)
It was in community that I kept hearing people say to me,
-It's okay. This is where you're at. Have grace with yourself. Relax. You aren't doing it wrong.
  Just be where you are. Don't try to be someone your aren't.

Slowly, like a sunrise I started to get it.
This person who I created in my mind  had to GO. Like ASAP.
 GET THE HECK OUT.

Let me describe her for you, maybe you know her too...
She gets everything done on time. She likes all people and God all. the.time.
She has a REALLY clean house, fabulously decorated and there is not one single hair on the bathroom floor.
She is always on time. She does everything right, never lets people down, never looses her temper. She doesn't get offended ( unless it's in the name of social justice of course!) she is incapable of farting in public and of course she does not sneak gluten free cookies when no one is looking, she is disciplined!

Well. She had to go. Good riddance!!!!!
Who is here in her place?

THIS GIRL. who.. spills things on herself at least once a day. Is usually not on time, ever. Who for the most part is a doubting Thomas, does not like all people, lets people down, farts on the treadmill at the gym and looses her temper after getting offended and eats gluten free cookies on the down low.
 
What's the point!? The point is that this perfect person I had imagined that I always had to be,
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                                         does not exist.
I exist.
         In.
                    Every.
                                      Imperfection.

 I'm the only one here looking back at me & when I try to be someone I'm not- I rob the world of the only gift I have to give- ME.-
So I am coming to terms with this crazy imperfect woman. And I am kicking out the false image of perfection I have strived to be like since.. well. fo'evah evah.

YOU are the BEST GIFT you can give the world.

 Let us rejoice in all that we are, and all that we are not.


<3