When Darkness Comes

  No one ever talks about that. Right?
Well. At least no one ever talked to me about it . Darkness. How it comes to you like a
sneaky fog.

These are my reservations.
I have been told about the LIGHT. I have been told about the SAVING.
I have been told about the RULES. I have been told about the unspoken way of the Christian world
by how people treat the weird, gay, disfigured, alcoholic, drug addict, gang bangers, murders and liars. DO this. DO that. DON'T. SHOULD.
    I never was sure if I agreed with it all. These contradictory rules that went against that still small voice in my soul.
   But there I was. With the rules in one hand and Jesus in the other. The sun was shining down on me and it was great. I loved the sun.
But then something happened.
  It.    faded.
 s l o w l y.     suddenly.

(source)

This is when I woke up one morning and my heart cried " ARE YOU EVEN THERE?"
- weird. I never felt like that before. Before, in the " good old days" I could see God in a

t u r k e y    s a n d w i c h .

Then the clouds came and He was gone.

 And you know what happened?
   much wished for Babies died.
   people who loved each other got divorced.
  terrible things happened to my friends.
   jobs were lost

  life was turned UPSIDE DOWN.

The faith I had before never told me about this part of life.
I only knew about the sunshine and the flowers. - you know singing songs about Jesus
and wanting to believe in this BIG GOOD God.


The darkness taught me about the light. The real light. The one that shines through the darkness.

The darkness has taught me that the LIGHT is right here in me.

The darkness has taught me that the SAVING happens -    every. single. day.
         - conversion-

The darkness has taught me that the RULES

       ARE RIDICULOUS.

ri·dic·u·lous/riˈdikyələs/

Adjective:	Deserving or inviting derision or mockery; absurd.
Synonyms:	ludicrous - laughable - absurd - funny - comical

More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster

         

                             I CHUCK THE STUPID RULES

   This darkness? Possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

It was not happy. 

   It was not enjoyable. 

       It is not over. 

But it is teaching me the lessons I cannot learn in the light. 

The fog is slowly lifting. and I see HIM in the wind. 

He comes to me now in the smallish things. Sometimes in the sun. 

But mostly the wind. 

And it is making me. 

             New. 

<3

Cookies, Bread & Barbecue Chicken....

   I DID IT! 


I baked something gluten free! And it tastes good! and I made it from SCRATCH!


It looked like this :

delicioso! 

And then I baked some Cuban Bread. I will give the recipe soon because it's too good to keep it un secreto!

And THEN the best discovery of all - Barbecue Chicken in the crock pot... 

It smelled amazing. It cooked amazing. It's amazing.  It's what's for dinner.. tomorrow! 

The hubs lost all his hair to an unfavorable run in with hot tar while he was helping put a roof on a friend's house. 

I'm mourning the loss. 

Deep thoughts still brewing. But until they come out right, I'm just going to tell you about the deets. 

Just ordinary stuff. 

Happy Sunday!

Ode to NYC

Thinking of the fall.
Which makes me think of these girls:

Who introduced me to fall, pumpkin spice latte's and midnight adventures. Oh. And let me not forget they also taught me... how to drive, bleach my girl stash, put outfits together and basically how to survive college. <3 Only one missing is Han <3

Fall, which is coming...!!EEKKK! Also makes me want to watch You've Got Mail about every 3 hours...

 I wouldn't mind at all if my whole house looked like this...

And of course, You've Got Mail just makes me pine after NYC... 

The Upper West Side...

All the lights... 

The Park...

                                                                       SIGH.

I guess we kind of get this view in Pittsburgh... ish. 

And of course all of these thoughts just remind me that....

But I do any ways!

<3

GET IT GIRL.

Good Life Decision #1.
   - drink coffee.
Good Life Decision #2.
 - train for a half marathon.

TRAIN FOR A HALF MARATHON!? 


yeahhh. 


The Hershey Half Marathon- in Hershey PA! Where there is chocolate...!


Now I have to run FIVE miles today. 
Allow me to share my motivation with you :

Happy Sunday

<3

Crazy Hot Mess Anyone?

 It is a lovely rainy day in Pittsburgh!
  Summer is still here but the rain brings me tidings of fall... and I love fall!
Soon enough! Soon enough!
Aside from a yogurt date with a friend, the weekend looks like
school work, school work and more school work!
I think I can, I think I can I think I caaannnnn!!

So here are some of my blessed enlightenments for your enjoyment.

Soap box and mega phone to come. It'll be great. Really.

These enlightenments came to me through the form of temper tantrums, hard days, good friends, wise Abbots, one patient husband and a lot of fist shaking at the sky-ing. And of course, the wild goose.

Enlightenment #1.
 I am a HOT MESS. MMmm. Yes. I am. This is ME!!!
 Messy. I clean up nice, but I am a mess.
I think I was masquerading for years as.. well. Not a hot mess. But you can't keep these things up for long.
Which leads me to ...

Enlightenment #2.
   It is perfectly fine to be Hot Mess Morgan Nelson.
   It's actually good. A- Ok. As it should be.
 
                Because this is who I am meant to be. Yes. Really.
I have realized these two major life lessons from two main sources

   - loosing it, flipping my shiz, going crazy, ( Because who can keep up trying to be someone you
                                                                         aren't supposed to be for longer than two seconds?!)
   &
   - community

Just for the record, experiencing community was a lot better than loosing it...  :)
It was in community that I kept hearing people say to me,
-It's okay. This is where you're at. Have grace with yourself. Relax. You aren't doing it wrong.
  Just be where you are. Don't try to be someone your aren't.

Slowly, like a sunrise I started to get it.
This person who I created in my mind  had to GO. Like ASAP.
 GET THE HECK OUT.

Let me describe her for you, maybe you know her too...
She gets everything done on time. She likes all people and God all. the.time.
She has a REALLY clean house, fabulously decorated and there is not one single hair on the bathroom floor.
She is always on time. She does everything right, never lets people down, never looses her temper. She doesn't get offended ( unless it's in the name of social justice of course!) she is incapable of farting in public and of course she does not sneak gluten free cookies when no one is looking, she is disciplined!

Well. She had to go. Good riddance!!!!!
Who is here in her place?

THIS GIRL. who.. spills things on herself at least once a day. Is usually not on time, ever. Who for the most part is a doubting Thomas, does not like all people, lets people down, farts on the treadmill at the gym and looses her temper after getting offended and eats gluten free cookies on the down low.
 
What's the point!? The point is that this perfect person I had imagined that I always had to be,
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                                         does not exist.
I exist.
         In.
                    Every.
                                      Imperfection.

 I'm the only one here looking back at me & when I try to be someone I'm not- I rob the world of the only gift I have to give- ME.-
So I am coming to terms with this crazy imperfect woman. And I am kicking out the false image of perfection I have strived to be like since.. well. fo'evah evah.

YOU are the BEST GIFT you can give the world.

 Let us rejoice in all that we are, and all that we are not.


<3

A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!

     There have been some transformations.

Some good ones. There has also been some enlightenment.

Unfortunately I did not turn into a beautiful butterfly.

 

I did however realize a few major things. 

Here they go:

* don't be someone you aren't

* don't apologize for being who you are

* be okay with being who you are

* If people try to make you feel like you should be someone you are not, give them the LOOK and then run away FAST.

Seems simple right? 

   Well.     It's.     totally.     not.    

Why not? Because there are all these sneaky things in life that make us feel like we have to be some specific way that we are in fact, not made for, or meant to be like. 

   Stay tuned for the whole story, and a slight rant and soap box about how modern day Christianity makes this hard on... the masses!  

            In the mean time this is inspiring me to PUT DOWN THE COOKIE AND RUN!!!!

         Let the positive choices start TODAY. Right now. Be kind to your body and your soul. 

Amen 

<3

ps. 

 also watch this inspiring theme song of my life lately, 

   

Just when you think the world is ENDING!

It doesn't! Some things turn into a butterfly. But not this girl.


Details to come but all I can say is
I'm workin' on my fitness.
and my innards.

Inner Resources if you will.

Stay tuned.

And.... she's back! Hopefully.

There once was a time when people scurried about their little apartment bumping into things and
spilling coffee on their pants. Shirt. Floor. You know, anything within reach actually. Some times they studied or took tests or baked cookies. Mostly they went to work. And to the gym. And then to sleep.
And by people I mean.. well. ME!
Life+last 8 months+moenelly= CRAZY. Ima tell you why.
Reading.work.parent-teacher-conferences.monks.one-pound-after-another.spinclass.earlymornings.rule-of-life. but mostly just LIFE. Good and sometimes overwhelming life.
And now more crazy will come I'm sure of it.
And I'm not always sure, I mean how does one keep putting one foot in front of the other?
It's all in the faith I suppose. And one strong Love.
And I just keep singing this, because it's true. And Ranunculus are in season.
And spring is here. And some where, in here, in all the chaos there is a plan. A good, crazy, unseen plan.
I'm pretty sure it involves coffee and the occasional chocolate. So here I am.

Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father 
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come 
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need 
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive 
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window 
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune 
Or out of place
I look at the meadow 
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl 
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need


Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens 
Is now advancing
Invade my heart 
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens 
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself 
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me


Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons