SO there I was. Sleeping. Asleep. Very happy to be asleep. Then I woke up and... it didn't happen.
Ok, so let me explain. I have two monsters that live inside me. One lives inside my tummy and it eats ALL my food, leaving none for me. This is the only scientific explanation to why I am hungry almost every minute of the day... And the second monster is the most ferocious. Actually he is quite famous. The Sleep Monster. Or at last that is what my husband has named it... You actually can take a poll from the people who have slept in a bed with me or who have lived with me, or even who have happened to wake me up!
The Monster lives people.
Well, today he did not rear his ugly head... heads? I actually DID IT. I woke up before 8 am. With out coffee.
So this was my Monday Miracle.
In college I went through this phase where I wanted to be like my best friend. My best friend who wakes up early and goes running. She is like the USPS... not rain nor snow nor hail or late nights up with the girl friends; nothing stops her from doing some sort of productive activity in the wee hours of the morning.
Any ways. I asked her to wake me up every day and for a few weeks/months ( i can't remember! Can you?) she did. I would wake up and watch the today show with Matt Lauer and ... that blonde lady.. and then the other lady.... and then the really great weather guy ... Al Roker! I loved it!
So today was perhaps the first time since that early mornings stint that I watched the Today show... loved it!
Other mircales: (well they haven't happened yet but...)
I have decided to
*embrace my arms ( my aunt inspired me. she says in a great new york accent " ehhh what canya do? they're Bezares arms! " and hello.. Bezares women.. do we not have the HOOD muscle? am I right?!)
*Be a vegetarian again - whilst eating burritos for lunch with chicken in them I finally realized that along with the black beans and quinoa I actually didn't like the taste of chicken. So Steve says we'll be Free-atarians. We'll just not eat meat unless it's free! Sounds good for the budget!
* Become more like my best friends who both get up early and...get up early.
Oh, yes, another noteworthy miracle.
I baked something today with out causing a major disaster! Nothing burned. Not one thing. I could hear them angels a'singin.
Less than Miraculous:
Hmm. WHAT THA HECK IS THE DEEEALLLLL WITH CELLULITE!
Dear body,
Hi, remember me?The one that feeds you ? The one that only eats whole wheat? The one that drinks 8 gallons of water a day? The on that gets carpet burn from doing Yoga Melt down?!?!?!
Great. So, um... WHAT THE HECK is your PROBLEM!?! You turn 24 and suddenly decide to get all dimples on me? Well this is your notice... REMOVE THEYSELF FROM MY ASS! and every where else!
Sincerely Yours,
Morgan.
Sigh.
Oh, other Miracles that would be lovely to happen!
Steve has a job interview tomorrow! Prayers please my people!
And I had one last week and should hear from them by the end of this week!
<3 love to all.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Hips Don't Lie... ! But the rest of civilazation do!
So. Maybe it's all about letting go.
You know of grudges. Receipts that fill your wallet so that you can't close it...
Weird nick-nacks of Christmas passed from the ex-girlfriend of your second cousin twice removed.
You know. Letting go of all the little voices that talk to you while you eat chocolate chips straight out of the bag at 11 pm ...
Or of fear.
The other day my husband said the most crazy thing to me. And for some reason * probably because he was right.. like usual* it was so true down deep to my soul. He said " Why won't you just let me love you. Just let me love you". Part of me thought that sounds so great! Another part of me thought - I CAN'T-. Slightly panicked and desperate. Where do those parts of us come from any ways...
My wanting to burst into tears, or flames, got me to thinking... why don't I just let him love me?
Then I decided I am a clincher. A hoarder... a grasper, clutcher. dig my nails in grabbing on, holding on so tighly-er. To... what? I have no idea. What is it. Safety maybe? Control? My heart. My...? I have no idea. But my bet is that it's control or something like it. I have this nagging feeling that I live my life in a weird, yet not so intense form of vague detachment. And in very rare self aware moments I realize very briefly that so much of my life is lived as a game where I keep my heart out of as much danger as possible. When I know that the most life is found where the greatest risks lie. I look back at my life so far and ask myself... girl for real? It wasn't all that. Why you actin all crazy? BUT then. I got to thinking... enough with all the self speculation and criticism. The shame and blame game. Say good-bye. Get to steppin. Don't let the big ass door hit you on the cheeks on your way out.
Because -> You know maybe some times it's in the small things. The over and over again things. The every day things. The TV things. The magazine things. The catastrophe things. The jerk boyfriend things. The mean condescending boss things. The lies. Small hurts. Small non-truths that circulate themselves around our world. So perhaps ->These small, over and over again things feed our natural tendency to fear.
I think my fear is that I won't survive the pain. Of whatever it is. Tragedy. Heart break... Fear of hurting in that place under my rib cage, behind my love handles, below my collar bone.
But I will survive. And so will you.
SO then. How do you step away from a fear induced life of detached-ness? How do you live in a broken world where you will be absolutely crushed and your heart will be torn out and stomped on by 6 inch Stiletto heels?
--> you cry big tears. yell. stomp. drink massive amounts of coffee. eat chocolate. talk. and cry some more.
AKA= FEEL.
So far the answer I have found is this: when you don't feel or let people love you ( my personal natural tendency.. ahem.) you DIE. Little by little. Silently. And then you all the sudden break down in very inconvenient places where people stare at you and give you their therapists' card.... Not good for any one.
SO in the words of Tim Keller. What kind of sermon's are we preaching to our hearts? What truth will we put before us? What words will we hear?
Really all of these lies, for me at least, have to do with feelings. And I'm learning a lot about feelings this year. I must say at most points they can not be completely trusted. Valid, yes. Good, definitely. Taken as the unbiased, truthful facts. H to the NO. It's in the truth baby.
For me the answer is Jesus and the hope he gives me and the love he supplies me with. And the GRACE he bestows upon me so I can -> let my husband love me. feel. not become a curly headed roaming the earth zombie.
How do YOU keep the truth before you and keep your heart alive? How do you un-zombie?
DO tell!
Duces!
<3
You know of grudges. Receipts that fill your wallet so that you can't close it...
Weird nick-nacks of Christmas passed from the ex-girlfriend of your second cousin twice removed.
You know. Letting go of all the little voices that talk to you while you eat chocolate chips straight out of the bag at 11 pm ...
Or of fear.
The other day my husband said the most crazy thing to me. And for some reason * probably because he was right.. like usual* it was so true down deep to my soul. He said " Why won't you just let me love you. Just let me love you". Part of me thought that sounds so great! Another part of me thought - I CAN'T-. Slightly panicked and desperate. Where do those parts of us come from any ways...
My wanting to burst into tears, or flames, got me to thinking... why don't I just let him love me?
Then I decided I am a clincher. A hoarder... a grasper, clutcher. dig my nails in grabbing on, holding on so tighly-er. To... what? I have no idea. What is it. Safety maybe? Control? My heart. My...? I have no idea. But my bet is that it's control or something like it. I have this nagging feeling that I live my life in a weird, yet not so intense form of vague detachment. And in very rare self aware moments I realize very briefly that so much of my life is lived as a game where I keep my heart out of as much danger as possible. When I know that the most life is found where the greatest risks lie. I look back at my life so far and ask myself... girl for real? It wasn't all that. Why you actin all crazy? BUT then. I got to thinking... enough with all the self speculation and criticism. The shame and blame game. Say good-bye. Get to steppin. Don't let the big ass door hit you on the cheeks on your way out.
Because -> You know maybe some times it's in the small things. The over and over again things. The every day things. The TV things. The magazine things. The catastrophe things. The jerk boyfriend things. The mean condescending boss things. The lies. Small hurts. Small non-truths that circulate themselves around our world. So perhaps ->These small, over and over again things feed our natural tendency to fear.
I think my fear is that I won't survive the pain. Of whatever it is. Tragedy. Heart break... Fear of hurting in that place under my rib cage, behind my love handles, below my collar bone.
But I will survive. And so will you.
SO then. How do you step away from a fear induced life of detached-ness? How do you live in a broken world where you will be absolutely crushed and your heart will be torn out and stomped on by 6 inch Stiletto heels?
--> you cry big tears. yell. stomp. drink massive amounts of coffee. eat chocolate. talk. and cry some more.
AKA= FEEL.
So far the answer I have found is this: when you don't feel or let people love you ( my personal natural tendency.. ahem.) you DIE. Little by little. Silently. And then you all the sudden break down in very inconvenient places where people stare at you and give you their therapists' card.... Not good for any one.
SO in the words of Tim Keller. What kind of sermon's are we preaching to our hearts? What truth will we put before us? What words will we hear?
Really all of these lies, for me at least, have to do with feelings. And I'm learning a lot about feelings this year. I must say at most points they can not be completely trusted. Valid, yes. Good, definitely. Taken as the unbiased, truthful facts. H to the NO. It's in the truth baby.
For me the answer is Jesus and the hope he gives me and the love he supplies me with. And the GRACE he bestows upon me so I can -> let my husband love me. feel. not become a curly headed roaming the earth zombie.
How do YOU keep the truth before you and keep your heart alive? How do you un-zombie?
DO tell!
Duces!
<3
Pictures from the Burg.
and #3. Two of my dearest friends!
Hooray!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Magical Snow. Tazza D'orro & Adventures in Winter Wonderland
Day of adventure.
Here is how it happened.
Leave the house. Good bye golden retirevers.
Hello icey slush chunks falling from the sky.
Drive to the BIG CITY
Steve has an interview. Wait for Steve in the car. Talk to Mami.Contemplate eating ice cream while waiting for Steve. Decide my thighs can't afford the cream. Think about coffee. Decide we shall get coffee after interview. Start to get worried about Steve. Text Steve to see if he has been man-napped. Steve comes out 30 seconds later. Think Steve some times looks like Brad Pitt. Start to drive in the slush. Squeal the tires. Steve asks if I want him to drive. I adamantly say no. Two seconds later I slide down the road and almost into some one. THEN we go to our cute apartment. Well, the outside. Say hello to our fun apartment from out side. Try to find a cafe near by. Get lost. End up at Boarders. Check out the close out sale. Say hello to a woman with dreds in the bathroom. Pretty sure she was shooting up. See a cross dresser man with a beard. Say hello. Check out the cards on sale. Look for more good steals. Give dirty looks to suspected shop lifters. Wait in line for 10 minutes. Get a Real Simple for 3 dallas. Halla. Forgot wallet in the car. ....
Finally find coffee shop 2 hours later. Sit and sip delicious coffee with cute husband in a european-esuq cafe surrounded by snow.
THEN the adventures began.
So there we were driving carefully in the snow at 25 miles an hour. Ok, maybe it was 15 but any ways. It was slow. We suddenly see 2 miles of very still red tail lights going off into the distance. On the highway we needed to be on. So we got out the map. We find another way. Slowly we make our way up up up and around the interstate. It's dark. It's snowy. We are doing GREAT because my husband is a vetran snow driver. But then there was THE HILL. And the car went down, down DOWN! And to the left and to the right and then there was this DITCH! that thankfully was filled with soft, white, peaceful snow. So we did not crash, or become dismembered or total our car. And we even came to a complete stop by the time we got to the bottom of the hill. We even made it home in time for dinner. Well, dinner at 10 pm.
And for the rest of the ride home I just kept yelling " We ALMOST DIED!" And Steve did not force me to walk even though I was ranting and raving while he was trying to concentrate....
what a day!
Here is how it happened.
Leave the house. Good bye golden retirevers.
Hello icey slush chunks falling from the sky.
Drive to the BIG CITY
Steve has an interview. Wait for Steve in the car. Talk to Mami.Contemplate eating ice cream while waiting for Steve. Decide my thighs can't afford the cream. Think about coffee. Decide we shall get coffee after interview. Start to get worried about Steve. Text Steve to see if he has been man-napped. Steve comes out 30 seconds later. Think Steve some times looks like Brad Pitt. Start to drive in the slush. Squeal the tires. Steve asks if I want him to drive. I adamantly say no. Two seconds later I slide down the road and almost into some one. THEN we go to our cute apartment. Well, the outside. Say hello to our fun apartment from out side. Try to find a cafe near by. Get lost. End up at Boarders. Check out the close out sale. Say hello to a woman with dreds in the bathroom. Pretty sure she was shooting up. See a cross dresser man with a beard. Say hello. Check out the cards on sale. Look for more good steals. Give dirty looks to suspected shop lifters. Wait in line for 10 minutes. Get a Real Simple for 3 dallas. Halla. Forgot wallet in the car. ....
Finally find coffee shop 2 hours later. Sit and sip delicious coffee with cute husband in a european-esuq cafe surrounded by snow.
THEN the adventures began.
So there we were driving carefully in the snow at 25 miles an hour. Ok, maybe it was 15 but any ways. It was slow. We suddenly see 2 miles of very still red tail lights going off into the distance. On the highway we needed to be on. So we got out the map. We find another way. Slowly we make our way up up up and around the interstate. It's dark. It's snowy. We are doing GREAT because my husband is a vetran snow driver. But then there was THE HILL. And the car went down, down DOWN! And to the left and to the right and then there was this DITCH! that thankfully was filled with soft, white, peaceful snow. So we did not crash, or become dismembered or total our car. And we even came to a complete stop by the time we got to the bottom of the hill. We even made it home in time for dinner. Well, dinner at 10 pm.
And for the rest of the ride home I just kept yelling " We ALMOST DIED!" And Steve did not force me to walk even though I was ranting and raving while he was trying to concentrate....
what a day!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Waffles and Spaghetti, oh yeah, and it's snowing!
SO it's SNOWING! Hooray! As long as I don't have to get wet in it!
Today we actually made it to church with out getting lost. And I heard the best description of the Pittsburgh streets yet: Most streets are like waffles, but the streets in Pittsburgh are like Spaghetti!
Its true! Streets like spaghetti!
So we have been taking to these spaghetti streets! And its been fun!
Hubs and I think we may have found our apartment! So we are just hoping for jobs to follow this week! Hubs might have two interviews this week and I am going to try and get myself one...
We went to Jubilee this weekend and it was great! We got to see some old friends and we also made some new friends which was so good!
So this week will be all about job hunting!
Also might I add that I have been watching season one of Gilmore girls and... I LOVE IT!
And I am also schemeing decorating ( cheap or free ) ideas for our apartment!
Any good ideas!
DOOO Share!!
xo
<3
Today we actually made it to church with out getting lost. And I heard the best description of the Pittsburgh streets yet: Most streets are like waffles, but the streets in Pittsburgh are like Spaghetti!
Its true! Streets like spaghetti!
So we have been taking to these spaghetti streets! And its been fun!
Hubs and I think we may have found our apartment! So we are just hoping for jobs to follow this week! Hubs might have two interviews this week and I am going to try and get myself one...
We went to Jubilee this weekend and it was great! We got to see some old friends and we also made some new friends which was so good!
So this week will be all about job hunting!
Also might I add that I have been watching season one of Gilmore girls and... I LOVE IT!
And I am also schemeing decorating ( cheap or free ) ideas for our apartment!
Any good ideas!
DOOO Share!!
xo
<3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
If its my nose, why can't I BREATHE out of it?
So here I am procrastinating. Sitting on the couch. Facebook stalking the masses while my Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown is waiting for me upstairs. But like all good things, this no excersizing/eat what ever you want madness must come to an END! Chocolate. White processed flour. Butter. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Ice cream. Pizza.
Mandy's Pizza. oooo oh Mandy's pizza...
My first night in Pgh we went to Hungy Mandy's Pizza. Best pizza in the north. Best pizza in my belly ever. We should NEVER have gone there... because now I'm dreaming about it.
Not to mention the bakery near by that has gigantic cinnamon rolls, fresh, right out of the oven, for 75 cents. WHO DOES THAT! ?
Living in the city is not going to make eating healthy any easier...
Enough procrastinatin.... ughhhh
Oh by the way did I mention that apparenly my nose does not like the frigid north and all this heat coming out of air vents every where all over the house? Sinus infection? Who knows... all I know is that home girl is only breathin on one nostirl. ... Maybe I'm too sick to work out today.. maybe I need a cupcake.. with butter cream frosting....
and pink sprinkles.... and a mocha from Starbucks...
Mandy's Pizza. oooo oh Mandy's pizza...
My first night in Pgh we went to Hungy Mandy's Pizza. Best pizza in the north. Best pizza in my belly ever. We should NEVER have gone there... because now I'm dreaming about it.
Not to mention the bakery near by that has gigantic cinnamon rolls, fresh, right out of the oven, for 75 cents. WHO DOES THAT! ?
Living in the city is not going to make eating healthy any easier...
Enough procrastinatin.... ughhhh
Oh by the way did I mention that apparenly my nose does not like the frigid north and all this heat coming out of air vents every where all over the house? Sinus infection? Who knows... all I know is that home girl is only breathin on one nostirl. ... Maybe I'm too sick to work out today.. maybe I need a cupcake.. with butter cream frosting....
and pink sprinkles.... and a mocha from Starbucks...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
First Week in PA
So here we are in PENSYLVANIA! I can't even believe it!
I never realized how southern I have become... I don't know anything about Magnolia trees or catillians and I can't actually make friend chicken... but I think all the southern charm has rubbed off on me.
Which would explain why I have been completely offended by every Pittsburgher I come in contact with.
Crazy things about Pittsburgh so far ( besides the no-nonesense, direct and loud manner of speaking... RUDE! )
#1. Ginormous Sandwiches from Primanti Brothers : Hello GIANT Corned Beef Sandwich loaded with frechfries, cole slaw, and tomato between two huge pieces of deli bread. WOAH! Delicious.
Did I mention that we also ordered chili cheese fries? (Pictures to come... )
We walk into the restuarant and basicially get yelled at until we get our food slapped down in front of us. It was great.
#2. Crazy Streets... There is no North, South, East or West. Except the West End, the East End. The North Hills and the South Hills. .. Currently we are chillin up in the North Hills with two Golden Retrievers and two lovely Reverends.
#3. MAPS: so far we have been getting around the city with a MAP. Its been totally nuts and really fun. We have been zooming all around the city getting lost and then getting found again. So we have been getting to known the city little by little.
So here we are on a new adventure in Pittsburgh! CRAZY!
<3
I never realized how southern I have become... I don't know anything about Magnolia trees or catillians and I can't actually make friend chicken... but I think all the southern charm has rubbed off on me.
Which would explain why I have been completely offended by every Pittsburgher I come in contact with.
Crazy things about Pittsburgh so far ( besides the no-nonesense, direct and loud manner of speaking... RUDE! )
#1. Ginormous Sandwiches from Primanti Brothers : Hello GIANT Corned Beef Sandwich loaded with frechfries, cole slaw, and tomato between two huge pieces of deli bread. WOAH! Delicious.
Did I mention that we also ordered chili cheese fries? (Pictures to come... )
We walk into the restuarant and basicially get yelled at until we get our food slapped down in front of us. It was great.
#2. Crazy Streets... There is no North, South, East or West. Except the West End, the East End. The North Hills and the South Hills. .. Currently we are chillin up in the North Hills with two Golden Retrievers and two lovely Reverends.
#3. MAPS: so far we have been getting around the city with a MAP. Its been totally nuts and really fun. We have been zooming all around the city getting lost and then getting found again. So we have been getting to known the city little by little.
So here we are on a new adventure in Pittsburgh! CRAZY!
<3
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